Thursday, September 14, 2006

Denkenesh- "You are Astonishing"

. To Denkenesh, the mother who gave life to our children,

September 14, 2004. I have no recollection of where I was or what I was doing on that day. Perhaps I read a book and washed a load of laundry. I must have cooked supper, maybe spaghetti with salad. There must have been the usual afternoon naps for Kaitlyn and Lucas. Maybe I drank a Pepsi. It was such an insignificant day that it doesn't even exist in my memory.

Yet, it was one of the most significant days of my life. For it was the day that you walked into the arms of Jesus and left behind the disease that kept you bed-ridden for the last year of your short life. You left behind the children who would become my very own. My heart cannot begin to grasp the austerity of that day for you or for those two beautiful children. My heart breaks under the weight of the cries that were offered up to Heaven that day. God must have cried a million tears too. As much as I want to mother these children, I would give it all up in an instant if it would mean that they could have been spared the pain of losing you. I love them so much that I would trade this opportunity in a heartbeat if it would mean that you were still here with them.

How I wish I had known you then. I wish I could have taken you to a doctor, bought you the medicine that may have saved your life. Yet, I know that you were already too sick by then. I wish I could have held your hand and prayed for you in those last days. I wish I could have comforted you. I wish you could have known for sure that I would come to love these children. I hope your heart knew that they would not be abandoned or forsaken. As hard as I try, I cannot imagine the pain of a mother leaving her children behind in an unfair and uncertain world. I wonder if your heart sensed that somewhere out there, another woman had been praying for you for nearly your entire life? Did you know that you could trust God to take care of your babies? Did you know that they would once again know a mother's love? Did you know that another woman could love them as much as you did? Did you know how much I would love and honor you? Respect you? Look forward to meeting you face to face in Eternity?

Though I never knew you, I will know a part of you in these children, your children, my children. Our children. The blessings of God in your life, both the blessings He intended and the blessings that were never realized, are waiting to be realized by these babies. In looking at the blessings inside these two little hearts, I will see you. I will see God.

God never intended for mothers to die. He didn't create us to know disease and death and pain and sorrow. Yet we live in a broken world where these things are a reality. While His intentions toward you and me and these children are good, from the dawn of creation, He also knew that your life would be cut short. I am humbled beyond words to know that I have been hand-chosen by God to mother these children. I am humbled to know that I am being entrusted with the most cherished possession that any woman can have. It seems trite to say, "Thank you," yet from the deepest recesses of my heart, I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to love and be loved by these little ones. Though you had no say in their adoption, I still say thank you to you for giving life to these children. They are yours. They are mine. They are God's. Our son is so excited that in America the name "Justice" will be added to the name you gave him. We chose "Justice" because that's what God's heart is for the orphan child. Justice- to set right that which is wrong; to bring redemption out of tragedy. To our daughter's name we will add "Zoe" meaning "life." For that is indeed what God intends for her. Life. Not the breathing, getting out of bed each morning kind of life. But real Life. Vibrant life. The kind of life that lights up a room. The kind of life you surely wanted for her to know. I commit to you and to God to train these children up in the way that they should go so that when they are old, they will not depart from it. I look forward to the day when I will meet you face to face in Eternity.

Mother to Mother with Love
The Orphan Song- Click Track 7 to Listen

The Orphan
Recorded by: The Newsboys

Maybe I push when I meant to be still
Maybe I take it all too personal
Jesus, how to reconcile
The joyful noise
The ancient land
The tug from some invisible hand
The dying mother weaving bulrushes
Along the Nile

Float her basket over the sea
Here on a barren shore
We'll be waiting for
A tailwind to carry her orphan's cry
Don't you worry child
I wrote a lullaby

I try to settle, but I just pass through
A rain dog, a gypsy
A wandering Jew
All those homes where not ours
Then slept one night in Abraham's field
And dreamt there was no moon
The night he died
Counting stars

Float her basket over the sea
Here on a barren shore
We'll be waiting for
A tailwind to carry an orphan's cry
Don't you worry child
I wrote a lullaby

Building you a home
Building you a home
Building you a home
We're Building you a home


owlhaven said...

oh... so sad....


Sharon said...

Your post is beautiful. It breaks my heart that it has been two years since those two kids have had a mom to hold them. I know that you hold them in your heart and hope that they are in your arms soon.


5KidMom said...

Oh Heather! I am typing through very teary eyes. Your heart is big, friend.

chel said...

Beautiful Heather. If I had been their mother I would feel truely blessed that you and Avery could now be there for them. Very humbling indeed to read the way you are entering into this relationship. God blesses you for sure.

KelseyChristine said...

My eyes are all teary...

I can tell this came from the deepest part of your heart.

I pray so much that God will give my little brother's other mom a sense of peace--the kind of peace only He can give after such an indescribable loss--and that she'll know he is warm, safe, joyful, and loved.

Thanks for sharing this--your sincere heart for Jesus is so inspiring.

tonia/sparrow said...

heart breaking...